sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
