Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
