The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
