i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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