Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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