i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
what day is it and did you see me today?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
