sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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