Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
