Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
