I want to have your abortion
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
