Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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