I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
