All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
