when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
