i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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