and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
