Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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