I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
