i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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