I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my phone needs a breathalizer
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
vagina is talking i cant
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
