You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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