She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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