These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
