Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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