we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
