it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
