New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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