i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
