I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
