you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm passing your future prison.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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