You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
