You really coming over, don't trick.
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my phone needs a breathalizer
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My penis needs a shock collar
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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