I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
