God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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