Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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