that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
