its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
you never un-have a 4some
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