no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
