Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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