DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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