Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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