if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
