We named our party play list daddy issues
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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