I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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