I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
