I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
then he tried to convert me to islam
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
