Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My pussy is not your playground.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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