He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
