please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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