I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
