Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
