he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
