You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
